Boredom 2008

Boredom
Posted Dec 27, 2008 7:19pm

Today was a better day. I had a rough day yesterday, I am ready to go home. Mentally at least. Unfortunately, according to my blood work I am not allowed to yet. I was very frustrated sitting here staring at these four walls, knowing I could not break free of them yet. I wanted so badly to go shopping and buy myself something. I cannot tell you the last time I was able to do that. I just wanted to go window shopping even. Then mom came over and she and I got out of the room last night and visited Brenners. For those of you that have not had the chance to visit Brenners Children's Hospital, it is beautiful around the holidays. Bright and cheery, each floor is decorated like a part of N.C, (the sea, the mountains, etc.) and each floor has many pretty trees and lights, just what I needed to see. It really makes me humble to think of all the families with little kids that are in the hospital. At least I am at an age where I can process and somewhat understand what is going on. Children cannot grasp why they feel the way they do, and unfortunately a lot of them have known nothing but sickness for their whole existence. It saddens my heart.

I talked to Nana last night, she is going through a lot of the same things I am going through. It is interesting how our diagnosis and treatments/drug regimens seem to line up. She, however, is having a lot of pain that I am not experiencing. As you keep me in your prayers, please keep my Nana in them too. It makes me sad to talk to her right now. She has always been the one of the most positive people I know. She has been through cancers, lymphoma, congestive heart failure, diabetes, and other problems and through it all has held her head high and not complained a bit. She has always had this unshakable faith in the Lord, and it brings me to my knees to see her going through the pain she is going through with dialysis treatments and the like. I do not question her faith, but I think is going through a lot of physical pain and needs the extra love, encouragement and prayers to help sustain her right now. I can only imagine how my parents feel knowing how I feel about my 84 year old Nana.

I didn't sleep well last night, the line they put in for pheresis is healing, and it just feels very sore and uncomfortable. I hope I will not have to have this line too much longer. There is a high risk of infection with this line, so the less it is accessed the better.

I woke today in a better frame of mind. Mom spent the night last night, and when we got up I got a good shower and the nurse was able to clean up my access line. Those of you that know me well enough know how anal and picky I am about things being clean and having all of the tape and stuff off my body. After that mom and I went to the gift shop and browsed and ate at the bagel place downstairs. It helped to get out of the room. I then took a much needed nap once the nurse gave me pain meds. I just woke up a little while ago, Ashley came to visit me:) It was nice to see her. I miss hanging out in a normal situation. I can't wait to be able to do that again. I am feeling okay today, just tired and drained. I have been having some tummy issues today though. I am still on steroids, trying to taper off of them from chemo, and I am having major hot flashes from them. I sit here and drip sweat. I hate it. I hate being hot all the time. I also have been keeping a slight fever, only 99ish, but that is a fever for someone who is usually in the 97s.

Tomorrow my dad is coming in and spending the night, so I am happy to get to see him. He will be with me for my pheresis treatment on Monday morning. I guess this is it for tonight, thanks again to all of you that keep up with me and pray for me!
Kinsley