I don't know that anyone is really reading this, but I am so far behind on blogging. I think I am thinking too hard about what to write instead of using this as a therapy of sorts. Writing things down and getting it out there helps me think more logically about certain situations.
Anyway, the heading of the blog...it has been one year and one month since I was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Man, what a though month that was. I remember in April when mom and I went to Mayo Clinic I was having severe pain in my leg, then in May when I had the brain lesion I still had all the pain in my thigh, and it was getting worse. (I think I may talked about this in previous blogs, but I am going to mention it again.) When I had the lesion my balance was very bad, but I was encouraged to get up and walk with assistance. My Dad would walk around the floor with me, and one day when we were walking I stumbled. He caught me but I thought I twisted my foot. My leg was hurting something bad, but we attributed it to stumbling. I had already been checked for clots and other problems, but nothing was there.
I was discharged from the hospital and went on vacation to Smith Mountain Lake with my Dad and family. This was the second summer I was miserable there, but I needed desperately to get out of town. I was tired of looking at the same walls all the time. I couldn't really enjoy myself because of the pain in my leg, knee and foot. (Turns out the mass that was cancer was in the bone and muscle, which was pressing on a nerve on my leg causing pain all down my leg.) The steps from the house down to the lake are very long and steep, and I could only try to venture up and down once a day, if at all. Dad and my brother ended up finding a way to dock at a public access close by so I didn't have to climb the stairs, I could essentially just walk onto the boat. They would take me on the boat to the dock at the house to hang out and the take me back to the dock to bring me home. On one of these occasions I was getting off the boat and my Dad handed me off to my brother, but I miss stepped and fell off the edge of the dock onto the pavement. My balance was still off because of the brain lesions, and we were trying to be cautious of this. Boy Dad was pissed that no one caught me. Of course, I landed on the leg that already hurt, and spent the rest of the trip absolutely miserable. HOWEVER, this was an improvement from the previous summer where I didn't even get out of bed unless I had to pee. This was the summer I had a fractured back, and I had been in ICU the month before. I had an appointment in Chapel Hill with a specialist and I remember Dad and Vicky making me a pallet of a blow up mattress, blankets, and pillows in the back of the Yukon because I couldn't even sit up. I felt like a dream...it was surprisingly peaceful and comfortable. My parents used to drive me around when I was little to get me to sleep, and it still works for me as an adult if I am a passenger. So, between the motion, the cold air in the car, the cuddly blankets and being tucking in on the air mattress I was more at peace than I had been in awhile. ANYWAY, getting back to last summer. I called and made an appointment with the orthopedic doctor to see me. They checked me out, did some X-Ray's and gave me a brace for my leg. He said from what he could tell my leg looked okay, but the radiologist really needed to see it before he could confirm that. So I put my brace on and went home.
The next afternoon I was laying in bed watching TV and I remember distinctly getting this phone call from the doctor. I knew at once something was not right because the actual doctor was calling, not just the nurse. He told me there was a shadow on the X-Ray that he has not seen because it was right at the edge of the film, If they had moved my 1/2 and inch it wouldn't have been there. He said he didn't think it was anything to be too concerned about, but it needed to be checked out ASAP. To me that didn't sound like something to not be too concerned about. But, taking his word I didn't worry too much.
My parents must have been worried because both of them came to the appointment, which was unusual. My appointment was at the Orthopedic Oncologist in the Baptist Cancer Center. Another red flag right? Too bad I didn't acknowledge this too much. I was still in too much pain. I was the last appointment of the day and on a Friday, since I was a walk in. We got back there and I was examined. This is where it starts to get a little blurry for a few days....They thought it was an abscess and they could quickly drain it and send me home, well when they did they realized it was not an abscess, but cancer. I was admitted to Baptist, and my whole family was there and I was so drugged I had no idea what was going on. I remember thinking that I was not really surprised I had cancer....for some reason, even though I was tested for cancer multiple times and nothing ever showed up, I always thought I had it. What I was surprised about was when my doctor came and told my family I had Ewing's Sarcoma. He told us there was not much he could do. If they operated and it was in the bone it would spread to the rest of my body. They best they could offer was to amputate my leg. I was terrified. I remember that was when I really broke down. I have no clue how my parents got through that moment without losing it. The doctor then told us that since it was Friday night the lab was not fully equipped to do an in depth study of the biopsy, but from sight it looked like sarcoma. He said on Sat. we would have a better idea of what we were looking at. The next thing I fully remember was him coming back on Sat. with this big goofy smile. He was so excited, he said, "It is NOT Sarcoma! It's Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma! This is much more treatable, although it is extremely aggressive." "Thank you God", was all I could think.
At this point I was moved to the Oncology floor in the hospital. I was too prepare for surgery on July 4th, and would have my first chemo treatment the day after. As much as I hated my diagnoses, it was a lot better than it could have been, and I was in it for the long haul.
